As I sit here in bed relishing in the some of the moments of this past holiday season, I would be remiss not to post about this past year. You see, New Years Eve 2016, I was filled with expectancy. 2017 was gonna be “The Year Of The Tracey”. After living timidly just waiting for the perfect moment to take a year “by force” and be the best possible version of my myself, I was going to take 2017 by force and make it completely mine.
And I did……..
I crossed major hurdles and basked into places I only dreamed of being in. Somehow I grew into a better version of myself and it was dope. Opportunities started to open up and the remainder of the year was wide open for the taking.
and then……(there is always an “and then” in the story)
One or two sun showers turned into an all-out hurricane (literally…and figuratively) that rocked my dreamboat well off course into uncharted territory. The “wilds of life” so to speak struck. “The Wilds” is a place you never expect to end up despite your best efforts. For some, its infidelity, separation, divorce, job loss, sudden loss of a loved one or a health crisis. Sometimes old hurts that you thought were resolved just show up to the party uninvited.
There I was, in the middle of nowhere. Me and my boat. Lost. Now the first inclination of going into unchartered territory, a believer will ask God “Why?”. Every day and every night I pondered this question in my heart. When my provisions (thoughts like “Ok God, I been through struggles before, this won’t be long”) started to run out and I was solely reliant on every word in 10pt font on every page in my beat up hardcover bible, it was then God showed up and started to direct my ship out of “The Wilds”.
Being shipwrecked in the “The Wilds” wasn’t in MY plans for 2017. I was supposed to be sailing off the coast of success. Relaxing on the beaches of prosperity. I was supposed to step off my boat at my destination like a relaxed cruiser ready for a fun-filled day at the port. Instead, I pulled up in a tattered dingy ( that didn’t even properly dock mind you) , jumped into the cool water and ran my hind parts to shore like it was the first time I’ve seen land. When my feet touched solid ground, I collapsed. I rolled over on my back with a smile as I peered into the same blue sky I saw when I set out to conquer 2017 back in January. Never mind that there was more forest to go through in the background. I was on solid ground.
2017 was THAT year. And I’m sure everyone has experienced THAT year where things start off great then all of a sudden it just free falls then somehow regain control and sails calmly again. I learned to make room for the unexpected. Have a vision, but make room for God to re-direct at a moments notice. My mom always says “Lords will” after she announces her plans for the day or the future. Now, I understand why.
For 2018, I am going to live my best life just like how I planned to do in 2017. This time, I’ll be sure to expect the unexpected and give God the space he desires to move in.